Overthinking. Why?

Overthinking. We all tend to do it. As the old saying goes… we turn mountains into molehills. But why? Why is it so difficult for us to just let things be what they are? Why do we have to over-analyze everything about a situation until we’ve turned it into something that stresses us out and worries us to death?

I’ve learned that women tend to do this WAY more than men. We want to figure out hidden meanings behind actions and words that most likely aren’t even there. Then we have to figure out how to counteract with our own actions and words based on our own theory of what the others in our situation are doing and feeling. More times than not, it ends up being a tangled web of nonsense that we make up in our heads because we need SOMETHING to explain what we are feeling. It’s usually insecurity.

I feel like we have been doing this for centuries… and it always boils down to communication of course. Instead of being able to have a conversation, or talk about whatever we’re thinking or feeling about a situation… for whatever reason… maybe we’re afraid of a reaction, maybe we don’t like conflict, maybe we’re shy, or any number of reasons, we keep it all inside and create any number of potential outcomes in our heads. Do you do this, too? It’s like having a dream that your spouse cheated on you and then waking up angry. You KNOW it was a dream. It didn’t really happen. But you’re still mad. That’s what we do to ourselves when we over think everything. It’s like we break our own hearts over and over and over with things that may not happen. Or things that have happened and we would like to do over differently. I hate that I do this to myself. But how do you stop?

The ‘What if’ life is the worst. We have to start being more focused on living in the here and now. Enjoying the present. Being grateful for life. We need to stop trying for perfection and be happy with who we are. I know…: it’s easier said than done, and it’s something I need to work on myself. I think the biggest thing we can do is learn to be confident and happy with ourselves. A lot of overthinking tends to come from self-.esteem issues. We are unsure of ourselves so we question others. Right? I do it, and I’m pretty damn sure of myself most times, so I can imagine how it must be for someone less sure of who they are.

Here’s where I would start…. when your thoughts start going to that place, redirect. Have something very specific that you MAKE YOURSELF think about instead. Count to 100. Write down recipes. Do sit ups. Listen to music. Whatever it takes to redirect the negative energy. If it won’t matter in a year, don’t spent another minute on it. THE END. Think about the things that REALLY matter. Trust me I’m working on this, too. Do you have things that help you when you’re overthinking? I’d love to hear them. 👇👇👇 Maybe we can all learn how to make better use of our brain time.

Xoxoxo

Annie

Halloween is the best Holiday EVER!!

Since I was little, I can always remember dressing up for Halloween. My mom would make me a costume, and I would wear it until it fell apart. I remember being a clown quite a bit… not the scary one but the cute one that everyone wanted to hug… you know..:: before everyone decided to be afraid of them. 🙄🙄 When I got a bit older … I elementary school age, I remember being some form of Madonna and/ or a hooker pretty much every year. Meaning I was too cool for my mom to make my costumes anymore, so I just teased my hair and sprayed it with different colors and wore a lot of makeup, put on a short skirt and heels I couldn’t walk in and begged for candy. When that got old, then I was too old to trick-or-treat anymore. Tragic.

As an adult though, Halloween is that one (or two) nights a year when we get to be someone we usually aren’t. We get to dress up as a character we admire, like a superhero…. or our alter-ego… like the devil 😈😈 for some of you, and just be FREE. We get to watch our kids enjoy the fun of the costumes and running around from house to house trick-or-treating and seeing their friends in costume, too.

It’s become a tradition at my business to have a Halloween Party every year where we go ALL OUT for the day. We have a theme, decorate the salon, send invitations…etc. We try and outdo ourselves every year with something inventive and interesting. It’s a team effort and everyone really looks forward to each other’s costumes and the decorating. We have such a good time creating a space for our clients to come in and just enjoy the day. We start planning this thing MONTHS in advance to make sure every detail is just right.

If you’ve ever been to one of our Parties, you already know the drill. We don’t mess around.

I’m writing this blog post today because I’m already getting excited about this year’s event! Not to mention, a few of us are going to another big party in Detroit….

I really love to hear about group costume ideas. If you have some great ones….SHARE! We have a pretty big group. It’s not easy to come up with something everyone can participate in together. I think we may have it nailed down for this year…. but you never know!!

Xoxoxo

Annie

Bucket Lists

Do you have a bucket list? You know, a list of things you REALLY want to do before you kick the bucket? If you do, have you started actually doing anything on the list yet? If you don’t, do you plan on making one? Have you ever thought about actually sitting down and writing one out? When I was married I only had one thing on my list…. go to Ireland. That was my Number one. In the past several years since I’ve been divorced, while I still haven’t been to Ireland, I’ve started to dream about other things I’d like to do. It’s taken me these two years to crawl out of this hole and decide to move onward and upward. So I started making a list.

I’m sure I’ll be adding things to this all the time. The older I get, the more and more I realize that I need to stop waiting. I need to stop wasting so much time. I tend to procrastinate when I can. I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to LIVE. I want to celebrate being alive. So I’m going to start having experiences no matter how small. I’m going to do it, even when I’d rather stay in bed. At least this is what I tell myself will happen. Baby steps. I’ll do it alone and I’ll enjoy the adventure. Because I’m blessed to be able to.

1) Travel to Ireland – sleep in a castle. Drink in a local pub. Drive a shitty rental all over the countryside. Get lost and love it. See Heaven’s Trail.

2) Live at the beach. I’m a Pisces. It’s where I belong.

3) Visit the Grand Canyon

4) Go to Salem at Halloween. My favorite holiday… a must do.

5) Greece

6) East Pasta in Italy

7) Buy tickets for a random flight and spend a weekend somewhere new.

8) Take a cooking class

9) Feel confident about my body

10) Ride a horse

11) Fall in Love

12) Paris

This is it so far… it’s not long but it’s also not cheap. At some point I’ll need to start planning I suppose… if I ever want to get through it. No time like the present!

So what’s on yours? I’d love to hear about it! Share some ideas…. maybe I can add them to mine!

Xoxoxo

Annie

Expectation vs Reality

They say that our expectations break our own hearts. The way we expect things to be versus the way they actually are are almost always disappointing, therefore we live life in this permanent state of unhappiness. One that we have inevitably created …. or have we?

I hear people say all the time “no expectations ” especially when talking about dating … (because that’s what’s happening in my life currently) but that has to be the most unrealistic fucking set of words I’ve ever heard in my life. NO EXPECTATIONS. Mostly uttered by men who want to hit it and quit it by the way… but I digress …. we set expectations for EVERYTHING… when we order dinner at a restaurant, we EXPECT it will taste good, when we go to the salon to get a haircut, we EXPECT it will look like the picture we showed the stylist, when we make plans with our friends, we EXPECT to see them on Friday night. Seems easy enough, right? A lot of the time these things happen just the way we want them to, don’t they? I think what gets us into heartbreak is the times when it doesn’t.

Let me explain. There are times when you have played and replayed a scenario over and over in your head. It might be a conversation, a meeting, a date, an argument… an entire relationship. You know exactly how you want it to go. How it’s supposed to play out. We’ve all done it. The witty things you’ll say… what the other players will do. It’s perfect. Maybe you get the promotion. You say the right thing at the right time. Your husband actually makes that grand romantic gesture. Your boss recognizes that you’re an asset to the company and praises your work. Right? EXPECTATIONS.

The reality is, the majority of the time, all of this only happens in our heads, but because it’s what we really wanted to happen and we were hoping for it, and thinking about it, now we live with the disappointment when the opposite is true. Our husbands aren’t going to ever make a grand romantic gesture, or probably even small romantic ones for that matter. This isn’t the movies and this isn’t a fairytale. (I’m not even close to being over that yet but that’s probably for another post ) Our wives aren’t porn stars. 🤷‍♀️ As much as you wish it were so. Your hair isn’t the same as Jennifer Aniston’s. Even if you take her picture to your stylist. But that expectation is always there. It’s the reality that pisses us off.

So how do we go from living in the world of expectation vs reality? I wish I had an answer that was easy. I mean, I’m the queen of romance novels and Hallmark movies. I KNOW it isn’t real life but I still want it to be. We’re BOMBARDED constantly by movies and commercials and books that feed those unrealistic expectations. We know the difference. But we still expect SOMETHING. We have hope. And hope isn’t a bad thing.

So here’s what I propose…. the thing we’re missing in this equation is COMMUNICATION. In a lot of these scenarios, In order to make your expectation a reality, you really just need to communicate better. Most of the time, it’s about letting someone know what the expectation IS so they can act accordingly, right? The other person or people usually don’t know you’re having this entire play by play in your head. Share it. Not like a psycho. But tell your girlfriend what you like. Tell your husband that romance is important and give him examples. Have the conversation with you boss about all the amazing things you’re doing. Why not? It’s better than disappointing yourself by hoping for what will never happen, right?

Of course I’ll need to work on putting this into practice myself. I’ll let you know how it goes. Until then, I’ll be over here wearing my tiara waiting for Prince Charming…

Xoxoxo

Annie

Soulmates and Twin Flames

What is your definition of a Soul Mate? Do you immediately think of a significant other? A husband or a wife? Boyfriend or girlfriend? I used to, too. But I’ve evolved in the past several years. When I think about soul mate, I think about someone who is always there. Someone who understands you, who laughs with you and cries with you. Who picks you up when no one else notices you’ve fallen. Someone you can communicate with and not say a word. It’s a connection that is unexplained yet unbreakable. Of course this can describe your significant other, but can’t is also describe a sibling? or your best friend? A parent? I think a soul mate can come in many forms and we can have more than one in our lifetime. We are supposed to. It’s the Twin Flame that we only have one of….and THAT is a whole different story….

In the past several years I’ve realized that my true soul mates are my friends. I have 3 to be exact. One I have known all my life. No matter how close or far apart we live from one another, we are always connected. We know we are there for each other and would move mountains to take care of each other. Nothing in this world could ever come between us. We love each other with everything we have. It just is. Then, in the past 9 years, I’ve been blessed to add 2 more souls to this list. Together we are strong. We laugh. Sometimes we cry. We hold each other up. The past few years I have had some pretty rough moments and EVERY SINGLE TIME they were all right there when I needed them. No one else was there for me. Not my family.  But my soul mates….there they were, every time. And I’m there for them. Because that’s what you do when you love someone. You rescue them when they need it. And they rescue you.

Now, don’t get me wrong, if you’ve found your soul mate in a significant other, you are extremely lucky. Not only have you found your best friend, but you’ve found even more. That is rare and beautiful. Don’t take it for granted. Hold onto it with both hands. And if you’ve found a Twin Flame…well….even more rare. You’ve never heard of a Twin Flame, you say? It’s a new thing for me, too. I learned about it not that long ago when I was trying to find a reason behind a really strong, unexplained connection I was feeling. I tend to always want an explanation for things so I’m one of those people that goes digging for answers.

It turns out that you only have one Twin Flame connection. This person is your mirror. Your actual other half. It is rare that you find this person, but when you do, YOU KNOW. It isn’t always an easy road and it can be a long one, but this one is the real real. You will probably fight it. You won’t believe it. One of you will run away from it. You may never end up on the same page. But if you do….the beauty of it is probably better than anything you have ever dreamed of. I bet you can think of 1 couple who fall into this category. The ones who were meant to be. These days everything is disposable, unfortunately including people, but rarely there are those that beat the odds. Those are the Twin Flames. Even Soul Mates can burn out, but the Twin Flame connection can be forever. The couples married for 50 years. And kiss my ass I’m still a hopeless romantic. It’s in my DNA…I’m a Pisces for fuck sake.

I read. A lot. I like to research things I don’t know about. Especially when I think it might have something to do with me. I want an explanation for why things happen. I like to be able to make sense of things that have no sense. It eases my chaotic mind. It soothes me a little. I believe our souls have amazing energy. I’m not interested in what religion has to do with it at all, that’s personal and each person has a right to whatever belief system they choose. To me this is more. Universal.  Are you a Twin Flame? Do you know any? Who are your soul mates? Lots of questions I know. It’s the answers that might surprise you.

xoxoxo

Annie

I hate my body.

I have body dysmorphia. For those of you that don’t know what that is, the definition is :

Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), occasionally still called dysmorphophobia, is a mental disorder characterized by the obsessive idea that some aspect of one’s own body part or appearance is severely flawed and warrants exceptional measures to hide or fix their dysmorphic part on their person.

I’m pretty sure it started when I was little…my mom would start sentences with “You would be perfect if you didn’t ( fill in the blank)  …….” or   “I suppose this means you’ll never be Miss America….” when talking about something I did or ate. Not to mention how we are constantly being bombarded with weight loss ads and what the idea of perfection should look like. Everyone screaming which diet is best for which body and what workout gets you shredded the fastest. Now it seems like every person you know is a personal trainer because there is such a need for them. It just gets worse as we age and the anxiety over it all gets harder to deal with.

I’m 5’2″. There was a point in my life when I was obese. I was in my early 20’s and I had been married a few years. I was fat and happy. I didn’t even realize I was as large as I was until one day someone described me as “Heavy Set”. I was MORTIFIED. Was she really talking about ME?? The same day,  I was at work and someone told me I looked like Rosie O’Donnell…WHAT THE ENTIRE FUCK?? I remember finishing my cheeseburger and fries and then heading straight to Nutrisystem. Seriously….  I mean, I didn’t want to let that food go to waste…how do you think I got to be a size 18 in the first place? In the space of the next 3 months I lost 40lbs. I did it with drugs. Phen-fen. And I ate healthy. And then I got pregnant. I weighed less when I gave birth than when I walked into Nutrisystem that day. That was insane. But it started a vicious cycle that I still struggle with every single day.

When I look in the mirror every day I still see that fat 23 year old girl. No matter how much weight I lose or gain, she’s still the one looking back at me every morning. It’s her arms I hate. Her muffin top that never goes away. That bitch stays with me 24/7. And it’s not just her body, it’s her face. And I despise her. She’s disgusting. I’ve spent thousands of dollars to try and get rid of her. Diet programs. So many I lost count years ago. Pills. Shakes. Meals. Supplements. Sweat suits. Gym memberships. If it’s out there I’ve tried it. I’ve had plastic surgery, more than once. Tummy tuck, breast reduction, breast implants, liposuction. Next up I have a Brazilian butt lift on the schedule in November. This might sound insane to the majority, but in my head it’s just the norm. I realize that perfection isn’t possible, but I also know that I don’t have to look like a potato forever, either. YOLO MF.

Then there’s FOOD. I love carbs. Potatoes are my most favorite food ever. I get that carbs are the devil blah blah blah and but DAMMIT. Shouldn’t we have invented a magic pill by now… I mean FUCK. There is so much conflicting information out there now on what’s the best way to eat and why that my head spins. I swear I change my mind on how I’m going to approach it every week. It makes my head hurt. What I am sure of is gluten isn’t my friend so I steer clear of that. I’m not a HUGE fan of animal protein so I struggle with protein, too. Lucky me. If I could just drink every meal and it tasted good I swear I would do that. My life would be so much easier.

Anyway, the whole point of this was just to let other people know that you aren’t alone. I look at other women every day and I wonder if they look in the mirror in the morning and have the same struggles that I do. I wonder if they wish they looked different. I hate working out. HATE IT. I’d love for someone to figure out how to motivate me to do it more often. Of course it feels great when I do it. I just don’t want to. Judge away fuckers. I want instant gratification. So sue me. The point is to love the body you’re in. I just have to work on making that happen.

 

 

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS??

I got married when I was 18. To my high school sweetheart. We were married 24 years. He was my best friend. At some point it became more of a marriage of comfort than anything else. We didn’t know anything different and we were content. One of us was always gone, traveling for work. It turns out, when you assume that the other person will always be there, and you don’t try to keep them there, that is a HUGE mistake. Eventually he will find someone that will put in the effort. The moral of this sad story is, never stop DATING your husband or wife after you get married. You still have to work at it or someone else will.

That was just a preface that brings us to now. I have been single for a little over 2 years and WHAT THE ENTIRE FUCK????!!!! At first I’ll admit the prospect of dating was a little exciting and intimidating. I had a shaved head, I was worried about any man finding me attractive when I had less hair than they did. I didn’t even KNOW any single men. I’m not a drinker, and who wants to go to a bar to meet someone? So of course….online dating is where it’s at, right? FML.

Here are some things I have learned about the online dating world that may help everyone out there who is considering it:

1. Everyone lies. About SOMETHING. For men it’s usually about their jobs or their height. Things they feel most fragile about. For women we tend to lie about our weight or our age. We also tend to Photoshop or filter the shit out of our photos so that we are damn near unrecognizable in person. Let’s stop with the Snapchat filters. It would be sooooo much easier if everyone was just honest….like “Hey I’m Joe, 35, I still live with my mom. I here looking to fuck for one night only and then never see you again.” Someone might actually be down with that.
2. “Dating” as I had imagined it would be, doesn’t exist anymore. I imagined actual “dates” ….. drinks, dinner, coffee…..that would lead to 2nd and 3rd dates etc. Yeah…NO. Turns out, at least in my personal experience, that there is an expectation for sex very quickly. As in first date quickly. If it doesn’t happen…..it’s ON TO THE NEXT. Which is just a right swipe away. And if it DOES happen…..it’s pretty much still the last time you see someone. So not a WIN/WIN if long-term is what you’re looking for here.
3. There is no “happy medium”. There are men that are Fuck Boy status, and there are men that want a long-term relationship after the first date. Both a bit extreme. I’ve not yet met someone in that middle of the road range…you know….willing to get to know each other and see if we actually LIKE one another. Seems with the internet and online dating we are all looking for the next best thing. I don’t think it’s out there. WTF?
4. C R A Z Y…..on both sides of the fence. I had NO idea the length that people go to in order to dupe other people….to lie to get what they want. The stories I’ve heard, the things that have happened to me….. some of them are UNBELIEVABLE. It amazes me still that the truth is still foreign to many adults these days. For example: At one point I was talking to a guy who I later found out made up an entire fake EVERYTHING …..fake name, fake job, fake age….he had a whole identity going because he was married and was dating on the side. A year and a half later he accepted a friend request from me on FB and I got to see his real life…..WIFE, HOUSE, DOGS, FAMILY…..it’s difficult to trust people when you see that type of thing being done over and over. And this is TAME compared to other stories I have, Stay tuned.
5. DICK PICS – guyssssssssssssssss. I get it. You LOVE your dick. LOVE IT. So much that you’re taking the best possible pics of it. On a regular basis. With whatever camera you have available. Hell, it does the majority of your thinking for you. But if you knew ANYTHING about a woman AT ALL, you would know that what we’re most interested in is words. WORDS. We want you to tell us things. Communicate. If it has to be about your dick then describe it to me, don’t show me a picture. Get it? We KNOW you’re visual creatures….so YOU look at your dick. 😉
6. Ladies……class. Please. Keep your shirt on. You do NOT have to send a naked picture just because he asked for it. FUCK HIM. FUCK THAT. He is asking for boyfriend priviledges when you maybe even haven’t met. RESPECT.  You deserve it.

There are so many more. But these are the ones that come to the front of my mind just now. Feel free to add some of your own findings. I’d LOVE to hear them and share.

Of course there are a few good ones here and there. The diamonds in the rough. Few and far between. The ones that give us hope that not everyone is a completely fucked up soul in this universe. The ones you meet that stay with you for one reason or another. For me, it’s always a timing issue, or a geography issue, or both. Or quite honestly, I was married over half my life and I haven’t been ready for anything real until now anyway, so I was able to find fault in just about everyone to explain why it could never work with them.

If you are single and searching for something….good luck. May the odds be ever in your favor.

xoxoxo

Annie

 

 

Disclaimer!

I am unfiltered. For the most part. I’m not a complete asshole – I don’t go around saying EVERYTHING that’s in my head ALL the time, that would just cause extreme chaos. But it has taken me years and years to become brave enough to be able to vocalize the things I think. Twenty years ago I wasn’t this person. I was a bit more standoffish in what I shared when it came to my feelings on things. I still don’t share everything I think, and I know when to say things and when to keep them to myself….mostly. But the reason for this DISCLAIMER is that on this blog I’m not going to do that. This is MINE. I’m going to say exactly how I feel, when I feel it. I’m going to say FUCK. A lot. Because I can. I’m going to have opinions that some will disagree with. That’s the point. This is really just me speaking to things that affect me and how I handle them.

I always wanted to be the kind of person that wasn’t afraid to speak up and say what was on her mind. I wanted to be the one that said what everyone else was thinking when everyone else was too scared to say it out loud. I am still working on being that person. I think there is a place for that person in everyone’s life and it’s important. There have been several times in my life where I have been this voice and it has backfired spectacularly. I have lost jobs for being this voice. More than once. And I wouldn’t change it. I have learned some hard life lessons using this voice. But in hindsight I always felt like I was speaking my truth. Was it always the right thing to do? Maybe not. So I’m learning. Every day.

What I’m trying to say here is that if you know me already this isn’t a surprise, but if you don’t, this should be fair warning. I’m just going to be me here. Like it or hate it. I really hope you are at least entertained by it. I know it’s going to be fun writing it.

 

xoxoxo

Annie

Welcome!

I’m really happy you’re here. All 2 of you! This is my very first ever blog post and I don’t have a fucking clue what this page is really going to eventually be about. But I need a hobby…a creative outlet and this felt like a great idea. I’m traveling every week to different places…I’m attempting to date at 44…I have a son in college…I mean come on, I have a LOT to write about. Not to mention I’m a business owner and hair colorist. Lot’s of knowledge to share. So this is where it all starts. I’ll try and share something fun and different every week.

I suppose the first thing I should do is introduce myself. My name is Annie. I’m a mom, a sister, a best friend, an aunt, a business owner, a leader, a follower, and the list goes on and on. Just like everyone else I have highs and lows, and I’m doing what I can to make my way in this life. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose. I love to tell stories, and if you choose to read the ones I write here then THANK YOU. This is a test for now….I tend to be one of those people that start things and don’t finish….at least I used to be, let’s hope this isn’t one of those things.

I’m really hoping that this will become somewhat of a sounding board for women….where we can share ideas and voice the way we feel about all different topics. Share ideas about everything.

And the name?? http://www.whoaskedyoubitch.com  It made me laugh….absolutely NO ONE asked me to start a blog….and perhaps no one will read it….but it sure does feel good to write about something. So Cheers to all of us just trying to make it through everyday without crying.

xoxoxo

Annie

 

The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me!

Travel far enough, you meet yourself. – David Mitchell